Two Horses in Love

There are two horses presently in residence in the paddock behind Paddy Murphy’s pub here in Ballymore Eustace. They seem an unlikely duo, one of them, a male piebald, patched with dark brown and white markings, reminiscent of Tonto’s horse in the famous cowboy films of decades ago, the other, a female white horse similar to one ridden by Roy Rogers, and who was called Trigger. Really, they are Houyhnhnms, a special breed, known to only a few.
For the sake of brevity, and without recourse to their genealogy or records of any horse breeders association, it is convenient to call them Tonto and Trigger. Over the period of a few weeks or so, Tonto appeared to be assuming an aggressive posture towards Trigger and enquiries to a local horse psychologist were made to confirm the prognoses that (a) these two nags were head over heel in love with one another and, (b) Trigger was an ex grandee from the Coolmore stables who was simply refusing the advances of Tonto on the grounds of questionable birthright of the multi-coloured interloper from some far off country.
Forgiving of innocence on the conduct of horses, he explained the birds and the bees of horse-play. Strangely though, from what he said it appeared he was more of a horse psychiatrist than a horse psychologist, being disdainful of Tonto and more partial towards Trigger.
Tonto, he said, (knowing that Trigger’s summer is near at hand) is highly excited, hugely motivated, desperately frustrated and totally impatient, whereas Trigger is being coy and genteel – self-respecting if you wish – a blue stocking of the equine school!
How is it then, that Trigger lashed out fiercely at Tonto the other day with her two hind legs, landing an uppercut straight on the jaw. You can hardly call that a lady-like gesture of everlasting love can you, especially from one supposedly born at Coolmore Castle, what?
Well, the psychiatrist responded, Trigger was wary of any rash advances by Tonto, and if she suspected a particularly unruly attempt on her honour, as when he quietly sneaked up behind her one time, she quite properly defended her modesty.
Listen here, look, just look at the poor thing, wounded as he is, he’s still after her. Has she no conscience at all? I have no answer, except to say that some species are far worse than that, he replied!

Let it be said that the prevailing opinion of many, if not most of the resident horse psychologists in these parts is that this was a love story of biblical proportions, epistolary, – deep and profound, of loyalty and of persistence. Two days ago, young Eddie saw a little girl taking Tonto on a sightseeing tour of Ballymore, while back at the paddock, Trigger pined her heart out, neighing to the west wind for her missing partner. Tears came to the young man’s eyes, so deep was his sympathy for Trigger, and then beset by as much sadness as Trigger herself, he was heart-broken as he re-told the tale of terrible woe. When someone mentioned something about Hollywood (USA), he brightened up a bit!
Other incidences of the relationship were passed around to such an extent that the story was becoming a part of local folklore. One such story maintained that the happy couple grew wings at night and could be seen riding across the sky, reflected in the bright glow of the full moon!
The results of the various discussions and debates - especially since it was noticed the next day that the two horses had resolved their differences and were now actually kissing each other, on the lips of all places - made it unnecessary to consult the only reliable reference book available on the subject of the nature of equine compatibility in the world of human species. It was written by Jonathan Swift and first published c. 1726.
It requires no updating or revision, for matters have not changed one iota. Swift was right. In fact he was spot on; here before our very eyes, people were enjoying the delightful courtship of two beautiful Houyhnhnms, which name means Perfection of Nature, who are serene in deportment and graceful in action, who communicate by their own idiom, and having been driven from their own native land, now live in the land of he Yahoos, once their menial servants!
It is said of the Yahoos that centuries ago they actually destroyed a nation of Asses, which later the Houyhnhnms tried to re-establish, for in economic logic, an Ass was fit for work at age 5, while a Yahoo was not, until age 12!
Perhaps there will yet be a marriage in Paddys paddock between Tonto and Trigger, where oats and bran mash will be the celebration meal. In the meantime, we wish them well in their courtship. Michael Ward.


Ballymore Eustace Bowls Club
First Annual Draw
1st Prize: Foreign City Break to the value of 1000 euro ( Kindly sponsored by The Thatch)
2nd Prize: Three months Gym membership at Naas Health and Fitness.
3rd Prize: 100 euro
4th Prize 50 euro
Oh to be young, thirty years younger and three stone lighter………and I would be off to join the gang at Oxygen in designer wellies and portable tents, oblivious to weather conditions…….
As the music festival begins, streams of young people walk the roads, all in good humour, up for the crack and more crack.
It made me full old today, old but cheerful to see the celebration of youth gathering at the gates of Punches town. By the time this edition of the Bugle appears, the festival will be over and there will no doubt be reportings of drink and drugs problems, minor fracas etc
But, for the most part, with the huge numbers who attend the Oxygen festival, it’s a well organised weekend of youth enjoying good music. Rock on, Young People – do it now ‘cos when the years and pounds pile on, it ain’t so appealing!

- Rose


Puppy Love
Four pups, Shee-bull-aboxers all and finally, I found homes for them all. The last one was the image of mother, golden with white markings and sad eyes. I took a photo of mother and daughter one morning as they laid side by side in the basket, an endearing picture………..so cute, so peaceful, so lovable.

10 minutes later, I saw a room awash with white fluff – not unlike the view from an airplane window – one whole duvet dessimated, mother dog’s mattress completely shredded and now Puppy was working on the leather covering. The little b…….. if I’d had a garden spade, I’d have planted her on the spot. Before Precious Puppy was claimed, she managed to chew cushions, shoes, sofa edges, mat corners, William’s insoles and she was particularly partial to the mop which at least was inexpensive to replace.
Maybe that’s why Donny Osmond found Puppy Love so painful, painful on the wallet.

Rose


Ballymore Eustace/Hollywood Annual Pilgrimage to Lourdes 2008.
Organized by Mrs. Agnes Curry.
The annual Trip to Lourdes this year was a great success. The group collected some funds for a candle to be lit at the Grotto and had a 96 euro surplus. It was decided to forward this to the Hospice Society and Martine Rigney kindly looked after this for us. She is awaiting a receipt and when it is received I will publish it in the Bugle.
Margaret Pearse.


Draw takes place in The Thatch Friday August 15th at 10 pm.
The New Bowls season will commence on Tuesday August 19th at 8.30 pm., in the Band hall. New members especially welcome.