The Rector writes . . .
The Pharaoh’s wife . . .

I’ve always enjoyed making people laugh. All through school I was the class clown. I even have a school report that reads, “Kesh, seems unable to resist trying to amuse the children around him.” My primary school teacher wrote that when I was five years old, so it’s no surprise that my 7-year-old son comes home with similar school reports now!
I loved to entertain. When I was 5, 6, 7, years old I used to enjoy putting on shows for the rest of the family. My sister and I would take white bed sheets and hang them up like stage curtains and at the right moment I would appear from behind them dressed up in a Gary Glitter Costume that we made out of empty cornflakes boxes and silver spray singing, “Do you wanna be in my gang?”. I’d do impressions of Frank Spencer and sing like Elvis, and then my brothers, sister and I would pretend to be Abba.
At the age of 11, I finally got my big break when I was chosen to play the part of Joseph in Joseph and his Technicolour Dreamcoat. I borrowed my dad’s stripey bathrobe for the coat and my mum’s best tea towel for my head wear – there was no fancy dressmaker in those days like there are in schools now. All the family and neighbours were there on the opening night. All was going well until we got to the point where Pharaoh’s wife is luring Joseph into her arms. I should have said, “NO! I will not betray my master, the Pharaoh,” but you see, Julie Carroll was playing the role of Pharaoh’s wife – she was the first girl I really fancied and when she asked me to kiss her what could I do but oblige. . . she was not impressed and neither was Mrs. Harris the Play Coordinator. I quickly recovered my role by shouting, “I have sinned,” much to the amusement of all the audience – maybe this was my first calling to the priesthood???
Life wasn’t always one great laugh though. I remember the day when I found out that Father Christmas wasn’t all he was made out to be. It was bedtime on Christmas Eve. My mum helped me to get the treats ready for Santa and his reindeers. We always left a glass of sherry for Santa and some carrots for Rudolph on a tray on the living room table. Then I would run upstairs, get into my pyjamas, have a quick wash and get straight into bed – mum always said that if I was awake when Santa called he would think I was a naughty boy and he wouldn’t leave me any presents. I was taking no chances. I put my head on the pillow and fell asleep.
In the middle of the night I woke up to the sound of shouting from the street below. I got out of bed and went over to the window and looked down and saw my mum and dad dragging a black bin bag from the back of the car. As my dad pulled it out the bag ripped and presents fell out all over the street and then I saw, what was to change my life forever, the Buckaroo I had asked Santa for fall out of the bag. Devastated I climbed back into my duvet. How could they have lied to me all these years? I cried myself to sleep that night it was all too much for a boy of nineteen to take in!!!
Recently, I read about a couple (aherm!) who told their four year old that if she saw the red light flash on the alarm sensor in the corner of the room it meant Father Christmas was watching her and checking that she was being a good girl. That’s just cruel, like telling your children that when the Ice-cream Van plays a tune it means that it’s ran out of ice-cream!
Being a Christian can be fun. I now use my God-given ability in making people laugh in serving God. But even for those of us who laugh a lot there are times when we go through life when we find it hard to smile.
The Bible says, everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses. He sets the time to laugh, and the time to cry. He sets the time for sorrow and the time for joy; a time for building and a time for breaking down; the time for mourning and the time for dancing; the time for kissing and the time for not kissing!

Ah! Well! Must go, Josh’s Elvis suit needs ironing – I don’t know where he gets if from???

With love, Kesh x

The value of money . . .

The Value Of Money. It can buy a house, but not a home. It can buy a bed, but not sleep. It can buy a clock, but not Time It can buy you a Book, but not Knowledge. It can buy you a Position, but not Respect. It can buy you Medicine, but not Health. It can buy you Blood, but not Life

So you see money isn't everything and it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering! So send me all your money and I will suffer for you! Cash only please!